Personal Stories: OCD Lee

“When I was seven, I had severe intrusive thoughts about suicide and suffered debilitating anxiety to the point where I couldn’t leave my bed. I would have constant tremors and tick compulsively to avoid disturbing thoughts. I would touch every doorknob of my house 100 times a day in order to prevent my mom from dying and scratch my hands and my wrists from anxiety. I was afraid of ending my own life, but felt like I was already dead. If I kept living, I would just hurt everyone around me with my illness and my thoughts.
This persisted through high school and college where I stopped eating and drinking water, didn’t shower for weeks on end, and developed an infection. I was so paralyzed from fear and self-loathing that I didn’t want to go to the doctor and get help for the infection or for my mental health condition.
After an attempt to end my life on March 8th, 2016, I recorded “OCD p2” about my battle with OCD. I realized that if I could sing in this state and be honest about it openly, it wouldn’t kill me.
Through CBT, years of therapy, and making music, I have been able to come out in front of audiences and tell them about my mental health and share my story. From my view, the best way to heal is to put the focus on people suffering just like me. The more shame I feel the more shame I share, and I feel that the more it is exposed the more it will be depleted.
During the panic, depression and depersonalization, I wrote music. I wrote music as obsessively as I was self-destructing. All of the things that I hated about my illness were the things that I could use to fuel my creativity. I began sharing my songs with friends who were suffering, and they began to tell me that my music helped them see things differently, giving them hope. Because I was expressing thoughts of ending my life, people were wanting to live again.
Through writing about these things and spreading awareness, my life has gained new meaning that I NEVER could have imagined when I was a suicidal little kid. If I could tell one thing to that kid, it would be that he deserves love.”
You’re epic, Liam Starzyk 💚
#NotAlone #OCDAwareness #SuicideAwareness #Anxiety #MentalHealthMonth #MentalHealthMatters #YouthMentalHealth #Hollywood #Depression #CopingSkills #MentalHealthArt #MentalHealthMusic #ArtForMentalHealth #EndingTheSilence #CureStigma #StigmaFree #SpeakUp #ChangeTheWorld